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Chapter 695. Assembling (5)

“This servant cannot bear the guilt of this sin, my liege! Please kill me!”

“I said, stop it.”

Zhu Gang was currently prostrating on the ground, his head planted on the dirt, waiting for the punishment from the demon emperor.

All Kang Jin-Ho could do at this sight was groan more and more. “...Let\'s stop this, okay? I\'m partly to blame, anyway.”

“My liege!”

“I told you to stop!” Kang Jin-Ho finally yelled in unhappiness.

Why the heck were all these idiots dying to recreate historical dramas in real life! Every single one talking about demon emperor this and demon emperor that seemed to love playing the parts of loyal retainers from a ruined kingdom or something! And they completed the imagery by ardently crying their hearts out, too!

If some random passersby witnessed this scene, they might mistakenly think that foreign enemies had invaded the country!

Zhang Dajing put the van\'s hood down while shaking his head. “This is bad, Assembly Master.”

“Mm...!” Kang Jin-Ho grimaced while watching the white smoke continue to billow from under the closed hood.

“I can\'t figure out what exactly has gone wrong. We need a professional.”

“I see...” Kang Jin-Ho nodded, then scanned their surroundings. His expression gradually turned into a frown. \'Where will we find a mechanic in this place, though?\'

Their van had come to a lurching stop in the middle of China\'s extensive highway system. Of course, they hadn\'t gotten into an accident or anything like that. It was just that they were paying the price of abusing the poor vehicle in the hope of reaching Beijing as soon as possible.

“Zhang Dajing,” Vator grunted, his brow slightly furrowed. “Why didn\'t you find a better vehicle?”

“Sir Vator... Finding a van like this is not an easy task, sir. Please don\'t forget that we\'re in China, too.”

“Hmm...” Vator unhappily nodded in acceptance.

Unlike regular sedans and SUVs, finding a suitable van wouldn\'t be easy. Especially when it had to be large enough to accommodate Vator. Zhang Dajing sourcing this van so quickly was already a feat in itself. Considering that, the drivers should have babied this van. Thoughtlessly caning it to go faster and faster was ultimately the source of their current trouble.

Vator rubbed his chin while staring at the smoking van. “What should we do, then?”

Zhang Dajing shook his head. “The roadside assistance people said they can\'t reach us right now. We have to wait until the morning.”

“Until the morning?”

“Yes, sir. That\'s what they said, but... I\'m sure they will only show up after lunch. Like always...”

“Urgh...” Vator let out a pained grunt.

China\'s high-tech industrial complex was growing in leaps and bounds every single day, yet its service industry showed no signs of improvement whatsoever. Things were even worse in emergency services, like the roadside assistance!

Since China\'s landmass was considerable, finding a stranded motorist in the middle of nowhere was akin to finding a needle in a haystack. Even after considering that point, it was still hard not to say that the quality of service was on the poor side of things.

“What should we do, then? Do we need to set up camp here until morning? Wait, not morning, but past lunch?” Vator grunted in unhappiness again, then turned his attention to Kang Jin-Ho next. “Master, wouldn\'t it be faster for us to just run to our destination?”

Kang Jin-Ho tilted his head. “Hmm?”

“We can always carry our luggage on us, no?”

Kang Jin-Ho glanced at Zhang Dajing. “However, will he be able to keep up with us to Beijing?”

Vator casually shrugged his shoulders. “Even if he can\'t, I can always carry him on my back.”

That was when Zhang Dajing\'s complexion paled instantly. “...I\'d rather die than do that, sirs.”

Vator blinked his eyes. “How come?”

“I simply cannot do it, sir!” Zhang Dajing vehemently opposed the idea. A grown-up man being carried on another man\'s shoulders was one of the most humiliating things, now wasn\'t it! Especially when he wasn\'t even injured!

“Mm... Then, what else can we do?” Kang Jin-Ho frowned while scanning their vicinity again. He couldn\'t even see a single spot of light from human civilization around here.

China might be overflowing with people, but its large landmass meant areas outside the populated cities were usually uninhabited dense forests or grasslands.

Kang Jin-Ho muttered quietly. “I wonder, would there be any farmsteads nearby?”

“I\'m sure we can find a few if we search around, Assembly Master,” said Zhang Dajing.

Kang Jin-Ho rubbed his chin while weighing his options before shaking his head. “No. Let\'s forget about that idea.”

“Why not, sir?”

“Even if we find a farmstead, I\'m not confident enough to show up there with these guys in tow.”

“...I see. You have a point, sir.” Zhang Dajing glanced back at Vator\'s hulking gigantic body and nodded without hesitation.

Finding a civilian\'s home in the middle of the night and trying to gain access? It\'d be a huge relief if the civilians didn\'t die of a heart attack after clapping their eyes on Vator. Goblins coming to visit them might be better for their overall health instead!

Even if Kang Jin-Ho wanted to be charitable about it, there was no getting away from reality. Any regular people running into Vator in a deserted location would seriously consider severing their own arm and offering it as a tribute to survive this precarious situation!

“That doesn\'t mean we can just wait here forever, so...” Vator scratched his head while frowning, then his expression suddenly brightened. “Master! I\'ve thought of a good plan.”

“Mm?”

“Let\'s hitchhike.”

Kang Jin-Ho frowned slightly. “I\'m sure a vehicle you can fit inside won\'t just randomly drive past us.”

“Fufufu. How short-sighted you are! You have a bad habit of not using your brain enough sometimes, master. In rural areas like this, vehicles capable of carrying me can be found in their droves.”

Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded after realizing that statement was true.

After all, they didn\'t require a passenger car in the first place, now did they? The only reason why they drove in a van was to avoid the public\'s eye. However, a truck\'s load bay would have been a better alternative for Vator.

Besides, it was the middle of the night. As long as they could reach Beijing before sunrise, why should they worry about eyewitnesses?

“Mm. That\'s smart.”

“Fufufu! Master, you\'ve realized it faster than I give you credit for. Excellent!”

Zhang Dajing silently spectated the two men praising each other before cautiously raising his voice. “Excuse me, sirs. I was seriously debating whether to tell you this or not, but...”

“Mm?” Kang Jin-Ho tilted his head.

“What is it?” Vator sounded a little irritated as he shot back.

Zhang Dajing replied in a listless voice. “Everyone... I must inform you that not a single vehicle has passed us by in the last thirty minutes.”

“...!”

Despair descended to envelop everyone in the group.

***

\'I\'d kill for some cup noodles right about now...\'

Zhang Dajing thought that to himself while pulling his jacket close.

Something about this weather felt cold to him. Autumn was already here, but a martial artist like Zhang Dajing obviously wouldn\'t feel cold from that. Which meant this feeling of coldness wasn\'t physical but psychological.

To think he had to rough it out on the streets with such big shots!

Of course, calling this ordeal \'roughing it\' was over-embellishing it a bit. For one, they had a large van they could camp inside if that was what they wanted to do.

...Other than the fact that it gave up the ghost and refused to start, that van was pretty much ideal for their current needs.

“Hmm. I didn\'t want to say anything, but...” Vator quietly raised his voice. “Isn\'t this rather fun in its own way?”

“...!” Zhang Dajing flinched a little when Vator seemingly saw through him. “Uhm... Sir Vator. I thought you were experienced in these sorts of things?”

“Mm? Why do you think that way?”

“Well, you\'re the Warrior of the Wild Plains, aren\'t you? I\'m sure you could\'ve experienced something as exciting as... Lying on the plains to watch the stars in the night sky at any time you want.”

“That\'s true.”

“How did that feel like, sir?”

“Mm... How should I explain it...” Vator pondered what to say while tapping his lips, then nodded slightly. “Nights come down early in the great plains. We usually head back to our yurts and try to turn in for the night. However, on some nights, the goddess of slumber doesn\'t bless us with her embrace.”

Everyone started focusing on Vator\'s story. He was speaking about an experience they never had before, after all.

“On nights like that, I\'d leave my yurt and head to the plains. Lying on the vast plains and staring at the sky... You will be rewarded with the sight of the Milky Way and its flood of stars. Every time I looked at that scene, I would wonder, since when did the skies start possessing so many stars?”

“Oh!” Zhang Dajing gasped, his voice growing a little more excited. Even in his imagination, the scenery looked beautiful and life-affirming to behold. “What did you feel when you looked up at that spectacular scenery, sir?”

“Mm, when I was looking at it, well...”

“Yes?”

Vator smirked at the visibly excited Zhang Dajing. “It’s too damn cold!”

“...Sorry?”

“And smelly, too.”

“...”

“Not to mention all the bugs! Dammit. Just thinking about it makes me sick.”

“...!” Zhang Dajing\'s romantic imagination was shattered to a million pieces by that last sentence from Vator before scattering on the dirt. “S-sir... Wasn\'t that where you were supposed to say something... I don\'t know, more romantic?”

“Romantic, my foot!” Vator chuckled derisively. “To you, that scenery must\'ve been romantic and beautiful since you only saw it on TV! However, do you think the people actually living there enjoy all that crap? Go visit Ulaanbaatar and see for yourself. You will find endless rows upon rows of apartment buildings. If living in yurts was so romantic, why would they sell all their sheep and settle for a life in apartments?”[1]

“...!”

Vator\'s fact assault wasn\'t over yet. “Don\'t ask that to a Mongol, got that? Or they will beat you up senseless with a dried bull\'s skull.”

“B-but... Sir Vator, you\'re a martial artist, so it must\'ve been tolerable for you, right?”

“Don\'t make me laugh, okay?”

“I-it wasn\'t?!”

“Sure, being a martial artist comes with many perks. For one, I don\'t have to worry about freezing to death. Let me tell you something, Zhang Dajing. The nights in the great wilderness can kill people. Normal people won\'t survive the biting cold.” Vator shuddered in dread and shook his head. “However, there are more cons to being a martial artist in that place. First of all, a martial artist\'s five senses are much more acute than a normal person\'s. Meaning, you will be tortured endlessly by the hellish smells.”

“Oh...”

“Starting from all the excrement from the livestock... Urgh...! Since finding a freshwater source is next to impossible, not washing yourself for two weeks at least is the norm there. So, the body odor from all those unwashed people is hellish! And then, do you have any idea how grave the insect infestation is in the plains?! I can chase away animals and stinky humans, but insects... Euh...!”

“You could\'ve blown the insects away through your qi, sir.”

“What? You think I\'m a human electric fan or something? I can\'t emit qi for twenty-four hours, you know. Instead of doing that to live in the plains, I\'d rather get myself an apartment in the city.”

Zhang Dajing\'s expression became aggrieved. “Sir Vator! How could you lack the heart of romance like this! Where\'s your sense of romance!”

“Hah! After living in the great plains for a month, you will never utter that romance or whatever nonsense it is ever again for the rest of your life, you fool,” Vator grunted, clearly unimpressed.

Kang Jin-Ho guffawed while listening to Vator.

\'Indeed, that doesn\'t surprise me at all.\'

Life on the plains might look so idyllic and romantic on TV screens, but the truth was anything but. It was basically a recreation of what life was like centuries ago. The daily pattern of life from that era probably hadn\'t changed too much even to this day.

\'That sure was horrifying...\'

Kang Jin-Ho slowly shook his head in helplessness.

Vator tilted his head. “It seems you\'ve remembered something, judging from your response.”

“Hmph,” Kang Jin-Ho smirked. “I could endure almost everything from back then. However, I simply couldn\'t stand a few things. One of them happened to be poor hygiene.”

Vator grimaced and nodded along. “Mm! I know what you\'re talking about.”

“It was common for people to not take a bath for a month or more back then, after all...” Kang Jin-Ho groaned loudly.

“A m-month?” Zhang Dajing\'s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “How can a living, breathing human being not bathe for a month?!”

“It\'s possible,” Kang Jin-Ho shook his head again. “If people who don\'t find that odd start living together, it would become common sense, a standard practice, in no time at all. Some people back then only bathed maybe twice a year. Usually during the Double Ninth Festival and the New Year.”

“Holy cow?!”

“One more thing... Zhang Dajing, you shouldn\'t think of that one month in the modern era\'s mindset.”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Don\'t forget that the environments differ. The streets in the modern era are clean. And you don\'t get as dusty now as back then. And there was no such thing as a laundromat in the past either. Even with all that... Urgh...!” Kang Jin-Ho shuddered in dread. “In those days, you couldn\'t even get your clothes washed for a month. Yet crap from all sorts of livestock littered everywhere like a damn minefield. Just spend one day outside your home, and your whole body becomes crusty and covered in dirt from head to toe. Most people would use a washcloth and try to wipe themselves down. No, let me revise that. Those who at least thought about wiping themselves were civilized people.”

Zhang Dajing shuddered at the sheer dreadful nature of that revelation. “It\'s... unbelievable.”

He was Chinese. Although he didn\'t see himself lacking in the hygiene department until now, living for so long in South Korea made him think that his fellow countrymen could sometimes take the concept of regularly scrubbing themselves clean for granted.

Even the modern-day folks whose idea of acceptable hygiene didn\'t differ all that much thought of each other that way. So, what would a person from the modern era think after suddenly finding themselves in the middle of such a... barbaric era?

\'Euh, I... I\'m not sure.\'

Kang Jin-Ho continued with his storytelling. “Although, that wasn\'t as bad as this other thing.”

“I\'m sorry?” Zhang Dajing blinked his eyes.

“What really tortured me back then wasn\'t people not washing up frequently enough. I could just avoid people altogether to solve that problem, you see? However... I couldn\'t do that with food. The food...!” Kang Jin-Ho groaned before suddenly shrinking into a ball. Nothing in this world could suppress him, but the memories from that moment still remained as a trauma that would haunt him for the rest of his life! “Those... Urhg...! When I saw for the first time how the food I\'d been eating was prepared... Eugh... Seriously!”

“P-please stop! I think I got the picture!” Zhang Dajing cried out. But it was too late. His brain imagined things it shouldn\'t have, forcing Zhang Dajing to hurriedly cover his mouth. His innards were tumbling precariously.

“Not only that, but...!”

Kang Jin-Ho excitedly continued to regale his audience with the tales of the past.

1. Ulaanbaatar is the capital of Mongolia, previously anglicized as Ulan Bator. ☜